For those that do not know, I hate chocolate. Its OK, let it sink in. Let the idea that every single sweetmeat that you pass in the convenience store or grocery store is either completely covered or intermingled with some form of chocolate. So try to work with me on this. Think about: Kit Kats, Twix, Count Chocula, Coco Puffs, Cookie Crisp, and just about every kind of ice cream. Therefore, I am usually out of luck in a lot of sugary situations. Also, screw you, if you don’t like it! To be fair, I am good with white chocolate and red velvet cake(which just has a very small amount of chocolate when prepared correctly/traditionally), but that’s as far as I can go with it.
With that out of the way….
I think I must be in a dream, because that would be the only explanation for these scrumptious confections to appear before me. I have partaken of these little drops of joy only once before; and I thought sure I would never be party to them ever again. For once I was wrong!
There can only be two reasons for this spectacular anomaly: I am about to die and some forgiving deity will let this be the last taste on my tongue for all eternity. Or, somewhere along the Astral Plane two stars collided and spawned a thing that I enjoy; which doesn’t happen very often.
But I digress.
I don’t want to dwell on the why, I want to drink in the aroma of perfection and then share it with you. I want to take you on a magical journey into an exciting new world….of muffins.
First lets look at the box: (Turning around suddenly) “Hey good lookin’ where you been all my life?”
Look at this dog with the giant head! He’s excited and so am I, also you should be too. These were just sitting on the shelf at the very top in between some other garbage flavors like blueberry or chocolate or something. Completely nondescript, no banners announcing the arrival of undeniable awesomeness, no trumpets heralding the majesty in the aisle of Target. Nothing. With any amount of my luck behind them, these will be discontinued in a matter of days. (Seriously) Five pouches of soon to be digested magnificence. Also you can turn trash into cash if you happen to be interested in that sort of thing.
I would love to tell you that I didn’t eat any until I started the article. But….oopsie.
The box was surprisingly hard to get into. This could be due to the fact that my brain had switched off because of the shock to . Much like a person speaking in tongues. And I am fairly certain I threatened to crush it for it’s insolence.
After much roaring and gnashing of teeth, it was open. Look at ’em. Tucked away like little pouches of pure gold. How beautiful! How peaceful!
Oh yes here we…Wait a second, only four muffins per pouch
what a ripoff EDIT: What a generously proportioned, delicious offer from the kitchens of Entenmann’s Bakeries. Even a taste of one of these, resplendent dollops of pure decadence would be a fitting reward for a horde of vikings, let alone lil’ ol’ me.
Well, don’t mind if I do.
Oh man! You cant see it, but you should know I am tearing up from the smell alone. A sugary, not overly sweet, a nice mix of cinnamon, vanilla, and an almost banana-ish conglomeration. They look like they are slightly sticky on top and more cakey on the bottom. Now I know why the dog on the box had such a large nose. Clearly he has evolved into having the capability to smell all the flavors in these muffins. (I apologize for the terrible quality of this picture. I was far too ready to devour the muffins at any cost. That includes, sacrificing the artistic merit of certain snack-cake photography.)
Yesss, look at all those little tiny pockets of flavor. Such a nice color as well. They are soft and delicate. They leave just a trace amount of….nectar, on your fingers and its so spongy.
Jesus! I’m in love. The texture is more like a cake than a muffin and that’s fine with me. All the flavors that I had smelled were present in the taste of this cakey morsel of sunshine. And just like summer love….
…these muffin’s time on earth (or at least in my apartment) was fleeting. Goodbye perfect snickerdoodle muffins. Your brethren with be dispatched within days.
Verdict: (As if you didn’t know)
Amazing, perfect, Non-chocolate perfection, and if you made it this far then you should know I can capable of going on. The only downside is that there are so few in each box. and if that is my only complaint then this was an amazing venture into sweet cinnamon Valhalla.
Until nest time…