Gas Station Uniqueness

I have traveled to several states around the country in the South and the Midwest as well as the East coast. And in those travels (aside from all the general prettiness of the landmarks and other fantastic sites that are available to be taken in), there are places that seem overlooked or disregarded. These poor dregs are the red-headed stepchildren (so-to-speak) of the tourist trade. I am of course, speaking about gas stations. They are a necessity, but a subservient one; people just pull up, throw some money at the cashier so they can shove the gas nozzles into their tanks, get their fill and drive away. Not before evacuating their bowels of course.

So I would like to take a moment and highlight a few awesome finds that I…..found. Just look at this crap I spent money on among other things!

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Diet Doc 360: My taste-buds did in fact “flip”. A tasty Midwestern version of Dr. Pepper. I have had this before, but only once.

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Unfortunately, this area wasn’t the kind of place where you pull out your phone and start snapping away for pictures.  So I thought it better to stay in the vehicle to capture this little gem! If you can’t make out the sign, it says: ” Lawfully concealed weapons are encouraged(that’s apparently where I choose to get gas from in St. Louis) on these premises.” Awesome.

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Depending on where you are, you can find great local cheese. That should be all I have to say about that.

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Literally Hispanic chocolate Frosted Flakes. The first part may be in English but, these flakes only have a Spanish name. I don’t know what “Choco Zucaritas” are but,  it sure sounds a hell of a lot better than “Frosted Flakes Chocolate”.

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New!? I know for a fact this box of cereal was at least 3 years past it’s expiration date.

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Uplifting obscure graffiti!

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Hilarious!

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Ghostbuster scratch offs. Doesn’t get much better than that….Or so I thought! In a random gas station just outside of Ames, Iowa an awesome collection of energy drinks caught my eye. IMG_20131003_231105_756

Oh just drink em’ in(GET IT?!). If the idea of some “knockoff” energy swill doesn’t seem fascinating to you; then you’re probably a normal citizen going about your day. On the off-chance that you function on my level of insanity, then the importance found in these vibrantly decorated aluminum cans, will be of no mystery to you! A small line up containing wildly engaging artwork that is frankly, criminally fun. Lets get a better look at each of the culprit.

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SUPER Donkey Kick.

The commercial for this can would go something like this:

(Announcer Speaks {overtly masculine, with lots of condescension} While a young man struggles to stay awake at his desk)

ARE YOU NOT MAN ENOUGH TO STAY AWAKE AT WORK?

[Cut to](Man sitting at home nodding off on a couch)

IS IT 7PM AND YOU ARE FEELING A LITTLE TIRED?

[Cut to](Man holding can that appears out of nowhere)

WELL WAKE YOURSELF THE HELL UP, WITH NEW SUPER DONKEY KICK!

{Drinks from the can}(Man gets kicked in the face with an animated hoof)

IT’S LIKE A DONKEY KICK TO THE FACE!

(Man sitting at desk with hoof-print on face smiling at the camera)

WAKE UP JACKASS!!!

-Fin-

Come on you know you want to try it.  The can is clearly the part with the most draw. I mean a martial art donkey serving up an epic portion of whoop-ass to any sissy that attempts to chug the power-swill!

Taste: The flavor is something like citrus, with a chemical aftertaste( that must be the SUPER in the drink) Cloyingly sweet.

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Here we have a slimmer, more health conscious donkey. 0 calories and 0 carbs, and a happier disposition. Still “SUPER” but now Lite as well. Hmm, what I thought was a happy look on our friend the donkey seems a bit more maniacal than I thought to begin with.

Taste: Definitely “Lite” still citrus, still chemically, but not as tooth splinteringly sweet as it’s full force counterpart.

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Would ya take a look at this beefcake of a rooster. He’s not a duck but, what can you do. There aren’t many fowls getting a lot of work today, so congratulations brother. Getting back to the can, our feathered friend has clearly been hitting the gym pretty hard. It’s hard to say whether his belt is for fashion or if he won it in some sort of flightless bird weightlifting competition. Good design on the can, I like the artwork as well.

Taste: Fruit punch, not as chemically sinister as the previous concoctions. Very sweet and not terrible when mixed with alcohol.

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A more cardio focused rooster is featured here. Not sure what the gloves are for though; perhaps they increase palm sweat. You lose 90% of all moisture in your body through the palm of the hand (allegedly this is true and since no-one will be fact checking what I am typing so it will stay that way).

Taste: Still fruit-punchy a bit more chemically then the sugared version. Not overly sweet and easy to drink.

In closing, I would like to take a moment to encourage you to cast off your self-importance and appreciate your local gas stations. You never know when you will find something that strikes you as interesting.

Until nest time.

-Ace

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