Gas Station Uniqueness Part III: Return To The Restroom!

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Here we are again, yet another trip to gas station nirvana. Throughout my travels I stop at many “Quik Shops”, “GAS-N-GOs”, “Chicken Men”, and so forth. Most of the time these places are fairly “cookie-cutter” with very few surprises. “Oh look another 7-11….”, But sometimes, SOMETIMES, the Gods of Randomness shine on me and place insanely unique gems along the road. This series of posts are their chronicling.

IMG_20141122_105627_008Santa’s Aliens:

And me without a quarter!! I want all of them. Never seen them since and I kick myself for not offering a stranger my credit card for his loose change on that fateful day.

IMG_20141111_114327_846CornBrights:

Whatever the hell these are. They tasted like “Corn Pops” mixed with watered-down unflavored “Runts”. Vanilla was the initial smack in the mouth but the flavors mellow then become super sweet. I wasn’t sure if I should pour milk on them or pour them in the trash. Diana, you can keep your dulces to yourself.

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Boiled Peanuts of varying sizes and flavors: No thank you.

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OoOoOoooO “Cajun” flavored……….Gross!
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Cowboy hats: Um….ok.

“I’ll be right back honey, I gotta run to the Kum & Go to grab a cowboy hat.”

IMG_20141013_152342_860These frightening larger-than-life-size child dolls: I should mention there were no other toys or anything at this gas station. Just these dolls, that are larger than the children who would be carrying them…….nothing strange about that at all.

IMG_20141015_131627_382Severed Alligator Heads:

A car pulls up to a gas pump. Two people get out.

Person #1: Hey where are you going?

Person #2: Gotta run inside the Shell and grab a Sprite and see if they got anymore of those disembodied alligator heads in.

Person #1: Oh nice, see if they have any gator feet made into back scratchers.

Person #2: You’re a sick bastard. You know that right?IMG_20141015_131557_204Severed Alligator feet: Available in key-chain, necklace, and of course, back scratchers. What’s next, shark fetuses?????IMG_20141209_194430_332Shark Fetuses in Jars: Clearly this establishment is focused on the very narrow niche of troubled teenagers.

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Santa Gator: And it’s surrounded by many severed gator heads. Apparently, Santa Gator has a much more strict reward for youngsters on his naughty list than his human counterpart. IMG_20141209_195100_451He also dares you to try and take your present.IMG_20141209_194812_205This place was completely packed from floor to ceiling with random chotskies.  
IMG_20141209_194533_965 IMG_20141209_194514_908This is the kind of store that will never run out of inventory. Ever. IMG_20141209_194640_005 IMG_20141209_194625_432

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The “Poop” bags contain all the same kind of chocolate. Whoppers, and other little bits of candy. But giving your straight-laced Grand Mother poop sounds funnier than “Hey Granny here is some candy”.
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These frightening coconut banks. 

IMG_20141209_194948_884Shell people:………riding dune buggys……..I can’t be sure but i think they were people who happened upon a witch’s house and as payment for their trespassing she turned them into shell people.
IMG_20141209_194252_102 IMG_20141209_194320_732They also had live baby alligators…. Not for sale or to pet or to feed, but just to sit there. A very conventional tourist trap, I mean it got me.

Lets leave this weirdness and move to a new, different kind of strange.IMG_20141031_141815_900A Hibachi stand: AT A GAS STATION!!!!!!!!
IMG_20141031_141745_535An Exxon station with a hibachi.
IMG_20141031_141214_451No one would be dumb enough to buy this kind of food at a gas station. Except this guy in the hat. 
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And of course yours truly.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Once I got all those pesky vegetables out the way, it was pretty good too. Not sure if it was actually chicken, but it was pretty damn tasty.

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Wow what a nice, new, and well kept mirror. I bet this will be a nice bathroom.

(Upon further investigation it was concluded that the previous statement was incorrect in such a magnitude that the author has been fined.)IMG_20141015_131354_293“Push” I’m sure you would love that wouldn’t you. I would be willing to bet there are only two outcomes to pushing this button:

Outcome 1(Less Likely): It works and works well.

Outcome 2(more likely): It’s a Horcrux.
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Ahh, my title image. Not only is there cardboard on the floor, but resting in the urinal itself is what appears to be a trash bag with a severed head or other miscellaneous body parts. Also, please note the lovely stain on the wall. Tres chic!

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Whatever the hell this is.

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Here we have the underside of the sink. I think we figured out what that yellowed and disgusting “ogre pipe” was before it gave up on it’s dream to become an architect. If you will notice, we have a very effective air freshener(that was sarcasm), as well as an E.T. sticker(for some reason).  And they said I would never get to work with Spielberg!!

There you have it folks, another riveting adventure in the world of Gas Station Uniqueness. Tune in next time to see what hidden gems I can find in or around:

shady rest stops

abandoned hospitals

or the ever popular bio-hazard dumps.

Until next time!

– Hank

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