This week on the League:
Are you scared?
The short answer is yes.
Scared of lots of things.
However, my greatest fear by-far
……….is?………..are? It’s spiders.
Yes, that lovable friend of Hagrid, Aragog.
That spinner of stories Anansi.
That underappreciated B-Movie Arachnophobia.
Speaking of Arachnophobia, that’s where this unjustified, stupefying, ear-ringing fear of mine comes from.
I am about 6.
Begging my father to see this movie.
However, the dedication required to pester parents into submission seems to be an innate expertise possessed by children. Whether succumbing to weariness, aggravation, or sheer evil desire to terrify me for the rest of my life, or some combination of all 3, he gives in and lets me watch. I will never forget it, sitting on the front of my moms chair, eyes glazed from coming attractions and the glow of the TV, that would in fact change my life in a number of ways. My father assuring me “it’s just a movie” as was his mantra whenever watching “mature themes” in movies, and me trying my best to assure him, that it was no big deal and that “all my friends” had already seen it. Which was most likely not an outright lie, but too close to call it a fib.
Growing up in the country with plenty of dark corners and crevices not to mention barns, old equipment, and a workshop it wasn’t hard to equate my surroundings to those of the characters in the movie. Thank god, I never put my hand in a box of cereal and pulled out a giant dead spider as my ghastly surprise, or had a giant killer spider jump on my chest and wrestle me, or watched a spider crawl out of a dead man’s nose for that matter.
I am not sure I finished the movie, but I am sure it shook me to my core.
Attics, basements, cellars, barns, sheds, all these are places that stand my hair on end. Walking into a spiderweb will injure any poor fool standing near me at the time. A shrill, piercing, shriek followed by a man too large to be moving that fast is the result of the same.
One time standing frozen in fear, staring at an 8 legged demon in a small room. More frightening than the
tiny gigantic spider was that this room had no outside access aside from a window that was almost never opened. Did it ride in on my person?? Or smell(can spiders smell?) my quaking fear?? Either way, to this day I am still utterly terrified of them. I recently killed a rather large spider in the bathtub of a hotel. Engaged in a duel for what seemed like minutes until I sprung first! I missed on my first strike, (which is most likely my actual fear of spiders to allow them to get a second chance to attack!!) but after jumping around, panicking, and trying to stifle screams for a few seconds the spider was dispatched appropriately. I’m sure it isn’t wise to put one of your deadliest fears in a place where others can find it, but since no one I know will read it, I suppose it’s safe for now.
Thanks for reading about me being a pussy. If you want to see what some other pussies are trembling in fear of check out some other posts from the League:
Until next time