Once again I return to pummel an equid carcass. See? Just use 10 cent words and no one notices all I do is go to gas stations. Either way here we go again. Strap in this one has been a long time coming and it’s absolutely riddled with gas station goodness.
Pretty big and hard to miss from the highway, this epic convenience store had as much product as anyone could ever hope to walk by on their way to the bathroom.
It’s a new crop guys!!! Oh, don’t like pecans?
I noticed amid the surplus of nuts the very strong lack of any catchy branding. I took it upon myself to render this roadside bathroom/gas station a fresh and more intriguing slogan. After a few moments of deliberation, I felt the pang of genius wash over me.
“The Magnolia Plantation, we gots more nuts than a Turkish Bathhouse”
Yes, I know it’s absolutely brilliant.
However, the cashier did not share my enthusiasm for this perfect catchphrase I came up with. She assured me they were set on their less than enthralling saying “The South’s Finest”, but would let management know when they came in.
Raw peanut meats……..great.
You know you want one. Who came up with the prices here?
Look at all this crap!
I mean damn! This is a well stocked store
So. Much. Crap
Oh yeah I bet the used book section at this gas station/nut emporium has a great selection.
Ok, the boxes are pretty cool.
Fun all year? You better believe it! If it takes you a full year to do a coloring book that is.
These are also pretty neat.Yeah, I am starting to like this store. Sue me.
Oh!! Gold mine!
Mmm, deliciously outdated puns.
Bathroom peek. Not a bad setup. Full auto restrooms, very modern.
Stop number 2:
Right next to:
I didn’t have time to go in. Curses. I am sure it would have been magical.
Before long, I kept feeling these eyes on me everywhere I went. Was there some unseen security force tracking my steps??
No, it was something far worse.
I can only assume this nightmare inducing mascot was once a lonely traveler as well, and he got caught stealing and some evil witch turned him into a painting and hung his effigy all over the store as a warning to all thieves to reconsider fucking with this particular candy store.
I mean, who else would own and operate a candy factory, but a bitter, evil, displaced witch. Thanks a lot you puritans!
This poor man.
Lets get to the candy and leave poor….Reginald, yes that’s his name. I don’t care if he looks more like a Roger, this is my site!
Poor Reginald, forced to have so much candy within his reach and to have it be so very far away.
No but really this place had everything.
Ever wondered what your Grandma would’ve eaten if she lived in the Midwest, BAM!:
Honeycomb peanuts, they don’t taste like honey. They are bright orange-yellow and peanut-butter flavored, but like hyper peanut butter flavor. Not for me.
I tried to buy some of these but they wouldn’t let me. Something to do with privilege and I wouldn’t understand. Oh well.
Ha! Nice….or so I thought. They have chocolate on the outside. Bastards.
Root beer Barrels! Peewee would be proud, and they have floats as well. Nice!!
You know, for the assorted rod fans out there. There is a dick joke somewhere here but I cant make it fit…….
My mother would try these, but chocolate flavored chalk isn’t quite in my wheel house.
SON OF A BITCH!!!!!! That’s what I came in here looking for!
On snap! What’s bazooka Joe up to? His same old adventures? Nope, and don’t look it up, No comics just weird games and online codes.
These are gross. Just saying.
These are also gross.
For the health conscience candy addict, blueberry pomegranate acai taffy. So there you go.
There we go Banana Taffy.
If you click on them they will get bigger. Some of the weirdest popcorn flavors I have ever seen. Sour cream and onion, Bubble Gum, Cherry Limeaid, Peanut butter and jelly, birthday cake and Cookies and cream.
Oh yes, I should have only bought this. Didn’t try the red velvet. I don’t trust white things.
Not as bad as you think.
Ok, these actually tasted like cinnamon rolls, pretty sure that was some more of that witchcraft.
Didn’t try them.
Good, but doesn’t come close to the honey ones.
Ok, I know what you are thinking: “That sounds disgusting!” I am here to tell you that if you don’t like these then you have a very good palate. I purchased one of these and immediately regretted it as soon as I popped it in my mouth. Think, extra smokey bacon bits(the slightly furry neon red ones) and super sweet maple flavoring in a glob of taffy. Horrific is too kind of a word to use to describe it.
Actually very nice and mellow.
The inner workings. Oh what do we have here?
MMM, chocolate marshmallow sticks!! And, of course what fine candy factory would be complete with out a bit of health-food? Chocolate covered “Twinkies”. I love that they made sure to tell you they are delicious. I guess they use off brand “Twinkies”.
OOOH! Assorted candy beads!
The Dude abides!
They make their own soda too.
Grape flavored ax mustaches. Why?
Famous for clean restrooms? Hmm, I’ll be the judge of that.
LIARS!!!! How disgusting! I have never been in such a untidy bathroom. Disgraceful.
Gotcha Redmons! They will be feeling that burn for years.
Thanks for wasting your time here again. There you go, nine hundred and seventy yummy words.